How do we stay connected to God during hard times? We see this in so many of our partners all over the world as they serve the Lord in often difficult circumstances. How do they remain so connected to God in the face of hard times and how can we who come on short term trips encourage them in the things they go through? Let’s look at the biblical idea of how God designed us to go through challenges.
We know that the only way to become physically stronger is to be active and workout. We need to endure some pain and discomfort in our muscles so that they recover stronger and bigger. Which means that if we sit at home and don’t endure the discomfort of working out, we will gradually become weaker and weaker. This is a simple enough idea when it comes to fitness. But when we apply the same ideas to our soul and character, we become less comfortable with that logic. Paul put it bluntly in his letter to the Romans when he said “...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” It appears that Paul is trying to say that there is something in going through challenges that offers a unique opportunity for faith to grow. And again, in James the word of God repeats this idea by saying “consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”.
This is absolutely true, and it is the key to a faithful and mature Christian life. And in addition to it being true, the delivery doesn’t always feel like it meets us and lands in our hearts in our moments of pain. Next time you find yourself consoling someone in your life who is right in the middle of a moment of deep suffering, try telling them something like “Aren’t you so glad this is happening because of the endurance and hope this will produce in you?” I would imagine that your friend might ask you to leave or not come to you again for comfort or support. It seems that reading those verses and knowing the truth that challenges produce character doesn’t make us overjoyed with thankfulness in every moment of pain. The truth of these verses alone is not enough to transform our hearts. So, what do we need for the reality of this biblical text to take root in our heart so that it produces the good fruit of steadfastness and faithfulness through suffering?
This is where we can be so deeply grateful that we have a God who is WITH us. He is not simply a set of good ideas that we can hold onto and remind ourselves of through hard times. He is present with us. He is a person with pain and suffering of his own to relate and empathise with our pain. But what is true empathy? And how can a Holy, eternal, all powerful God of the Universe truly empathise with me?
I’m sure that each person has different things come to mind when they read the word empathy. People may define empathy differently, but we can all identify what a lack of empathy from someone feels like. When someone observes our pain from a safe distance and say things like “wow yeah sounds hard” while checking their phone or glancing beyond our shoulder to catch the eye of the person they really want to be talking to. Why does that feel so isolating? The person is taking the time to listen to a hard story and respond with “encouraging” words. Why isn’t this enough to feel supported?
The author and sociologist Brene Brown describes empathy as looking at someone in their moment of pain and saying “I see your pain, and I will sit here with you in it. You are not alone”. Not changing the topic of the conversation to our own story of pain but communicating that you understand what they are feeling.
When I think about this kind of empathy my next thought is something like “but it’s that costly?” Yes, it is absolutely costly. It takes bravery and vulnerability because we must connect with something within ourselves that knows that feeling. It evokes in us a call back to our own pain and it offers to share the load. When someone is in a situation that feels like a dark pit, we often can’t fix the whole problem for them. But what we can do is sit in that pit with them. God created the human condition, so he fully understand our need for connection through hard times, and he meets that need through his nature and character. God designed us to need presence. We need the presence of friends and family no doubt, but what our hearts were truly designed for is being seen and comforted by our creator.
True empathy is possible because God is actively with us in our pain. And as we embrace his presence with us, the beautiful work of bringing the words we read in the bible into our darkest moments begins. We can cling to the truth that there is so much beauty and growth in pain and suffering. That in the end, our hearts are refined and the gold that is left is worth every moment of pain.
